Fullfillment comes from within, never from without. If you are not happy and have not been with your spouse after counseling, and years of trying ~ just exactly why are you staying? For the ‘kids’ ~ what have they learned from you about relationships that they will carry into their futures?
Whether you decide to try again or leave and seek legal counsel I hope you will sit down with a pen and paper, alone, and write down just exactly where you want to be in 5 years and what you want to be doing ~ therein lies happiness. consult God in prayer ~ but write it down. If you have a hard time starting do this: write about who you were when you were 19 or 20, at least a year out of high school ~ what did you want out of life, where did you want to live, what did you want to be doing with your life? Why have you changed and do you want to be here and now or start ove where you were then? And why not reflect on who you were then and maybe get back on track?