Fullfillment comes from within, never from without. If you are not happy and have not been with your spouse after counseling, and years of trying ~ just exactly why are you staying? For the ‘kids’? ~ what have they learned from you about adult relationships that they will carry into their futures? Do your children see becoming an adult as undesirable because all they have ever seen at home is their parents fighting and being unhappy and putting way to much focus on their children’s lives?
Whether you decide to try again or leave and seek legal counsel I hope you will sit down with a pen and paper, alone, and write down just exactly where you want to be in 5 years and what you want to be doing ~ because therein lies the road-map to happiness. Go on a ‘vision quest’: get quiet without interruption or media distraction for 2-3 days ~ preferably out in the wilderness at a national or state park or on your own land, get quiet and let your mind organize your thoughts and life all by itself. Then consult God in prayer. And then get quiet and write it all down. If you have a hard time starting, do this: write about who you were when you were 19 or 20, at least a year out of high school ~ what did you want out of life, where did you want to live, what did you want to be doing with your life? Why have you changed and do you want to be here and now or start ove where you were then? And why not reflect on who you were then and maybe get back on track? Then go somewhere quiet for a day or two and let your mind think. When you come back to the life you have built you will see clearly what to do and where to go, what to rebuild, and what to abandon. And you will see your children refocus on you when you are purpose driven and happy. There will be no need for you to place exaggerated emphasis and importance on their young lives and their immature choices and decisions. You will be ready to lead them into healthy thought processes and happy adulthood. Go now, and Be.